” ..the power we possess..”

To begin with, Happy Valentine’s Day to those of you out there that partake in this “holiday.” Personally, I do not give this “holiday” as much power as most of the people around me give it, which became evident to me this morning. Thus, Valentine’s Day and the bitterness of people inspired this post.

This day only has as much power as one puts into it. A single person giving this “holiday” an extensive meaning is a contradiction to me. You’re single, yet you give a day that is supposed to be devoted to love the power to make you realize just how lonely you truly are. No, the truth of the matter is that you were lonely yesterday and you’re going to be lonely tomorrow.

The bottom line is this: Love me and let me love you year ’round. One day should not hold more relevance and significance to our relationship than any other day. What is so special about doing things for each other one a day that it is expected to happen? Surprise me and let me surprise you on any given day–a just because type thing.

There has only been one woman in my life to love me daily, no matter what, and that is my MOTHER. She was my very first Valentine, and will always be my Valentine. Take time to cherish someone who has been there from the beginning and will always be there. Why spend the day with someone just to have a Valentine when there is someone more deserving? Think about it, we’re all special in our own way & do not settle for just anyone; wait for the person to accept you for who you are and love you unconditionally for you who aren’t!-M. Worthington III

” ..Hiding behind a smile..”

“It’s hard to see the pain behind the mask
bearing the burdens of a secret storm
sometimes she wishes she were never born…”

It took me awhile to realize it, or maybe I just did not want to admit it, but the smile I put on every morning is beginning to fade. Furthermore, after coming to terms with the devastating reality, it became rather apparent to me that I am not the only one feeling as such.

The power of a smile is phenomenal; I have the ability to make others believe whatever I want them to just my concealing my true feelings behind a smile. (Sidebar: I don’t mean as far as the childish antics as in pretending to like someone I truly don’t–that’s juvenile. I’m speaking of feelings of more substance.)

It is no secret that God is always, and forever will be, in our corner in our deepest hour of despair or through our highest moment in life. However, given my age and the up-bringing of my generation, sometimes we often forget that. In which case, things truly seem to hit the fan.

One thing experiencing this has taught me, aside from knowing exactly when to smile to avoid giving and explanation, is that you never know what someone is going through. There have been plenty of times that I make my life seem a step above perfect, when on the inside everything is chaotic beyond measure. This is a delicate situation to deal with, and the best way to lend a helping hand is by simply being there for the person. Sometimes, the only solace one needs is the assuring fact that they have someone there for them, no matter what.

But, always bear this in mind, nothing is out of your reach. Things may not seem to be running smoothly, and at an extreme, some things may even seem impossible; but every diamond must be polished before it shines.

“..through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
in a world that she can’t rise above
but her dreams give her wings
and she flies to a place where she’s loved..”

“… ’cause I can’t please you …”

Erykah Badu so angelically sings “I work at pleasing me ’cause I can’t please you, so that’s why I do what I do” and it wasn’t until recently hearing that song that it spoke greater volumes to me. No matter what you do or don’t do in life, you will not and cannot please everybody. Moreover, it is not selfish and or vain to put yourself before others. There will come a point in time when one will realize that after always putting others before his/herself, he/she is the only one in the equation left unhappy. It is this simple, one must learn how to balance the two.

Also, as harsh as it may sound, not everyone we entertain deserves a set in our theater (life, that is). The easiest way to test this is to say “no” every once in awhile or don’t give someone what he or she wants. Those who are true to you will display humility and a sense of understanding. On the other hand, those who are simply using you will catch an attitude because your decision did not involve the wants of him or her.

It is sad, especially when the ones we consider to be friends, display such selfish gestures, but it also is a lesson learned. That is, they were never down from the beginning, only there because your friendship was convenient for their selfish wants.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that everyone is out to get you, but what I am saying is we need to pay closer attention to those we consider to be friends. This realization and course of action to correct it is not an easy process, but keep these words of advice in mind, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars,” stated by Kahlil Gibran. It will be a hurtful process not only to find out “friends” can do you so wrong, but also having to leave them behind you after they have been a major part of your life. However, in the end, you will be a better person.

In attempting to please everyone else, there will always one group that is satisfied with your actions and another group that is unhappy — it’s human nature to disagree, and there is nothing you can do to change it. Rather, living for yourself will encourage your happiness. Thus, those who are true to you will be happy just because you are happy!

“Awakened…”

Whew. It has been a long time coming, but I have returned to the blogging scene. I must apologize for such the extended absence, however, I am back and better than ever! I took some time off because as I was continuously providing advice, I felt as though it was time for me to take a step back, and re-evaluate certain aspects of my life, and the people in my life. I believe that what I learned during my hiatus, both on my blog and mentally, may very well serve as a stepping stone for one of my readers!

As the day-to-day objectives were beginning to overlap, and things began becoming hectic, I felt like I was no longer in control of my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I function more efficiently when I have a sense of control over my life. Side bar: I am not a control freak, only when it comes to my life am I one. Then it hit me; I was no longer in control of my life because I was putting forth more energy into things that did not necessarily need to be entertained. Thus, my hiatus began.

I did a lot of soul searching and evaluating of the person that I am, because, as it if often said, one cannot evaluate the people around him or her until he or she first evaluates the type of person he or she is. Yesterday I started researching Buddhism for a paper and presentation I have to present later this week. The ultimate goal of Buddhism is true human happiness, and there are specific outlines within the religion that aid one in obtaining such a state of being. After countless hours of research and note taking, I had an epiphany.

Within Buddhism there are Four Noble Truths. The third Noble Truth is that true happiness and contentment are possible. I had to take a break from my research for a moment because this “truth” gave me pause. Of course, there were explanations as to how true happiness and contentment are possible and the ways in which one should go about achieving the two. The “truth” states that one should not live in the past or attempt correcting the past, just as one should not live for the future. Planning ahead is one thing, but when one is so focused toward the future that he or she is unable to appreciate today, there is a problem. Buddhism asserts, via this third truth, that as long as one is concerned with the past and future, he or she will not be able to appreciate the “now.” Being so focused in the past, future, or both, causes stress and anxiety.

Through this truth, I was awakened (ironically, Siddharta Gotama “Buddha” was ‘englightened’ or awakened as well) to realize that we need to spend more time being thankful for what we do have, instead of being so worried about what we could have had or what we want. Wanting leads to disappointment and stress when that want is not fulfilled. Therefore, we will be saving ourselves an abundance of unnecessary stress if we simply learn to live and be happy with what we have been blessed with, rather than worrying about what we do not have, or what we used to have.

-M. Worthington III

“I Just Wanna Be Successful…”

*This post is more along the lines of a testimony, my testimony, to the power of faith and prayer!

Of course, like anything in life, we only surmount one hurdle just to face another. However, if we remember and believe that we are never alone, life will be so much easier. Tuition for this semester is paid in full, yet there is another problem; BOOKS! The cost of books is outrageous and to make matters worse, professors like to require more than one text for a class, as if I do not have to buy at least one book for all five of my other classes (18 credit hours, 6 classes total). It was no big deal to me, I knew, one way or another, I was going to make it.

Picture this: late evening, between 7-9pm, dim lighting, faint music playing in the back ground to go along with deep thought. I sat there, and the more I thought about it, tears began to fill my tear ducts. It took me awhile, but instead of becoming discouraged, I began to pray. I asked God to provide a way out of no way (I could not find it in myself to ask my parents for the additional funds, as they have just paid tuition, funded my journey back to school, and gave me money to buy odds and ends for my suite). Sure enough, God came through and the blessings began to flow, so much so that I am still in disbelief, not at what God can do, but who he uses! My aunt, whom my mother speaks with on a daily basis, never once mentioned it, but sent me a check for $200. A good friend on my father’s side of the family ran into my parents in a store over the weekend, asked how I was doing, and my parents gave her one of my business cards (I am a man of means!). Sure enough, a check in the mail for $500. Another one of my parent’s friend, a lady who has been apart of my life since I was two, called my mother and told her to go over to her house. When my mother arrived, her friend informed her that she wanted to buy one of my books for me, and handed my mother a check for $100. Lastly, a nurse on my mother’s job overheard my mother and I joking on the phone one day about one of my books that was $40, compared to all the others that are priced in the hundreds. A few days later, she approached my mother and said, and I quote, “Kuddles, I was saving this to buy a new bra, but your son buying that book is more important than me buying a bra,” and she placed $40 in my mother’s hand.

You see, this is not a post for me to gloat, more than anything it is testimony and a wake-up call! I went from having insufficient funds to purchase all of the books I need, to having more than enough. That is nothing but the good Lord. It really made me feel good to know I have so many people in my corner, cheering me on, all the way to the finish line, or in this case, graduation day; SHOUT OUT 2011, HEY MOREHOUSE!

What makes me feel even better is that, aside from the monetary gifts bestowed upon me, there are people praying for me day in and day out. I challenge all of my readers to, even if it is as simple as thanking the Lord for another day in the land of the living, converse with God daily. Life will frustrate you, friends will betray you, family will turn on you, and you will even become discouraged with yourself; but God, he is always there! God is better to us than we are to ourselves.

This has truly motivated me to do even better, not only for self satisfaction (because those who know me, know I am never satisfied when it comes to my studies, I know there is and always will be room for improvement) but to keep all those who believe in me happy. Even with those who participate in the smallest gesture of reading my blog, you are pivotal in this journey as well! I thank you all, and continue to keep me in your prayers. Remember, God is always there and always willing to listen, no matter the day, time, or occasion. God bless you all.

-M. Worthington III

“2 down, 2 to go cont…”

Whew, today was extremely peaceful! The break down was as follows:

8:00-9:15 Survey of the English Language
Now now, Dr. Hill, you know better for being so dry and monotone at 8am with those stale jokes. When I tell you this class drained me low, first class of the day and I was already on E. Oh, not to mention I was fashionably 16 minutes late. (Side bar: I’m not sure if I made this clear yesterday, but I always show up late the first few days of class so that when the door opens, all eyes are on me.) I had this man first semester of sophomore year, at the same time, 8am. Disclaimer: I didn’t do this to myself, he is the only professor teaching this class, and this is the only time this class is offered, and I need this class if I plan on graduating. I see an extreme amount of sleep to come during this class

9:25-10:40 Criminology
As I just stated, I was FASHIONABLY late, but this professor…she was about 20 minutes late, giving me a mean yellow, white and black leopard print cardigan, with discounted beads from Icing (Clair’s) and some BoGo pleather ran-down wedges. I could not take her serious, not once. On top of that, she studders and she loses her train of thought rather quickly and quite frequently. I had thee most difficult time following her discussion today. Her deciding to write ont he dry-erase board was the best thing since…well me, of course

***So, after experiencing all of my classes for this semester and the professors that will be leading them, I am a tad bit anxious! Aside from the professors, the classes seem to have a lot to offer. Of course, each one will have its own challenges, but overall, I feel as though this selection of classes will take me a long way in my collegiate experience, especially as an English major.

To those who look forward to it, I will be back on track with my regular format of blogging with the next post.

-M. Worthington III

“2 down, 2 to go…”

As much as I thought I was ready for school to begin, I abruptly found out today that I was not. Actually, let me rephrase, I was not ready for all of the first few days and they silly notions: introduction of the course, introduction of the syllabus, introduction of the professor, introduction of myself and fellow classmate, etc. When I tell you I was bored, there is much emphasis and all truth! To make it worse, these professors I have this semester are all off their rocker. Here is the break down:

10:00-10:50 Professional Communication
This woman is ghetto as “h” “e” double hockey sticks. When I tell you this is a professional communication class and she was using “was” instead of “were,” “is” instead of “are,” not to mention her non-rhotic speech (pronouncing words with the omission of the letter r). She drained me low, and that was just the beginning of my day. To make matters worse, she had the nerve to pass out fliers for an event like she was a party promoter.

1:00-1:50 Spanish 201
Okay, I cannot even take this woman seriously. She has not a lick of latina decent in her blood! She is a straight up country girl from North Carolina, really Morehouse?! She was in class speaking spanglish like it was correct. On top of that, there are people in that class that have never taken spanish before, hmmm, I wonder how they will fair out?

2:00-2:50 History of the English Language (HOTEL)
I had this woman last year, first semester. She is a mess, a terrible mess. When I tell you she looks like Mary Poppins (how ironic, her first name is Mary) and acts as ditsy as Amelia Ba Delia, there is no exaggeration necessary. Not much more I can say about her…I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

3:00-3:50 Literary Theory
PAUSE: I get to this class to see the professor switched out with another professor. Um, I only took this class during this time because I wanted a specific professor. So, now I have some man that is so monotone he even said, “I know, I’m probably boring.” Probably ? You know you are, and that is sad that you are so boring that you bore yourself.

Overall, minus Morehouse’s shortcomings, I was pleased with my first day of Junior. I am excited about the things each class has in store for my education, however, I am going to need a little bit more motivation coming from these professors. Tomorrow, a new day, a new schedule line up, I shall keep my faithful readers posted.

-M. Worthington III

“Dear Summer…”

“Dear Summer, I know you ‘gon miss me, forever we’ll be together like Nik’ Airs and crisp Ts…”

Whew, I do not even know where to begin. First and foremost, I would like to apologize to my regular readers. I have not posted purposefully because aside from everything going with getting back to school and getting situated, I wanted to really think about this summer, find the correct words to express what this summer has done, or has not done, for me.

To begin with, this summer was definitely epic; not in the sense that it was so memorable due to fun, but because of the lessons Summer had to offer. I was a bit reluctant to listen to what Summer had to say, but with Summer’s persistence, I had no choice but to finally give in.

Lesson #1: Blessings truly wear disguises
I was doing everything in my power to not go home this summer. I wanted more than anything to be able to stay in Atlanta. However, God had another plan for me. I went home, made excellent money, and  was able to handle more than half of my expenses for college: making it back, having money to set up my suite, books (*sucks teeth*) and still have money for myself. More importantly, I was able to form even stronger bonds and relationships with my family. The few arguments I had with my parents only made us closer when we were finished. Lastly, my older cousin, Key and I expounded upon our relationship and although I never told her, it HURT to leave her house that last time knowing it would be a long time before I saw her again. She is just like my sister, and it were not for her being there (even when I did not inform her that I was having a problem) I do not know what emotional state I would be in right now. I love you Key-No

Lesson #2 “I Don’t Want Nobody But You…”
That quote from Trey Songz song, “One Love” constantly replayed in my head the entire summer. I began dealing with a certain individual, things were amazing in the beginning, and as we became serious, things became even better. It was almost too good to be true, that is because it was. It did not take long for me to see this person’s true colors. The lesson in this is, no matter how much you think you like someone, if liking them becomes detrimental to you and your emotional state, LET THEM GO! At the end of the day, you must look out for you. I just wish I would have taken heed to my own advice earlier on, I would have saved myself from an extreme and unnecessary amount of internal turmoil. I just wanted to hold on to the person they were when we met, not the person they became (well, who they were all along). What I’m saying here is, you can only give someone so many chances before your mind steps in and gives you that wake up call. I tried, no matter how dirty they did me, to find good in them. Then, it got to the point where I was making myself look like a fool, making excuses for their behavior, PAUSE: that is a no-no, and one should never engage in that. I’m not bitter about the situation nor am I attempting to slander that person, they are good people, I guess it just was not written in either of our books to be together…or at this moment at least…

Overall, this summer has taught me so much about myself, and what I did not learn, I already knew, but was constantly attempting to avoid the truth of the matter. What I took from this summer more than anything is to live life for yourself. Do what makes you happy and hold onto friendships, bonds, relationships etc, that are worth it. If someone is fighting just as hard as you are to keep the flame burning, then you know that is a worthwhile investment. As summer is rapidly coming to a close, I reflect and realize that summer was not eventful, yet what I took from summer outweighs any event.

Tomorrow is the first day of school, of Junior year. I sit here almost in disbelief to the reality that I only have one more year left in my undergraduate experience. I still remember graduation, being only 16, and now I’m 19, a Junior, God is good. If you ever feel like you cannot make it, fall to your knees and leave it at the alter. Pray for me readers. I will post tomorrow about the first day of school

-M. Worthington III

“Unexpected…”

Tonight was my last shift at my job, and an extremely valuable lesson was reinforced: Watch what you do, because everyone else will…”

As some knew it was my last night, others were informed upon my arrival to work. Where ever their knowledge of my whereabouts laid, they all had nothing but positive, insightful, and sincere blessings to offer. I did not realize how much of an impact I made in my short time at the job. The best part of it all is that it was completely unexpected. I went to work everyday with a smile and positive attitude, no matter what I had going on in the forefront of my mind. I left it all at the door, and believe me, it was still there when I returned. (That last statement is a lesson in and of itself; leave your personal baggage at the door. Everyone has their own events occurring in their lives, no one needs to hear another person complaining all day.)

Some of the things the people said to me really hit home and made me feel extremely appreciated. Just think, I never went to work seeking my co-worker’s and or boss’ approval nor did I go with any intention of gaining recognition. I went to do my job, nothing more, and certainly, nothing less. Yet, my smile, positive attitude and energy touched those that I worked with.

Now, before I come off as gloating, let me bring this ship to shore. The point I am attempting to make is: no matter what you are doing, always do it with as much pride, confidence, dignity and integrity you possibly can. I asserted such character traits because your attitude, believe it or not, just like the company you keep, is a reflection of who you are. Now, as I leave the place to continue my education, I know that I have left on a positive note and with a noteworthy rapport with those at my job. It is only possible because I made sure I was on my P’s and Q’s knowing that around every corner, there were a set of eyes watching.

-M. Worthington III

“CHECKMATE !”

There is nothing that I can not stand more than a person who cannot live for themselves; someone who needs the approval of others for their every move and or decision.

Disclaimer: I may be coming off as venting, but believe me, there will be wisdom in the mist of my ranting…

Now, back to your regularly scheduled program: It truly makes my blood boil when I witness people being used a pawns just because they feel as though they need others to validate their choices. To begin with, people can assert that being a “pawn” stems from having low self-esteem or a person being unhappy with whom he or she is, thus he or she opts to live vicariously through another, yet when one takes a glimpse at the bigger picture, the question is: Is the “pawn” happy now? How can one truly be happy, living day to day, knowing that he or she is not in control of their own life?

Yes, a person may be unhappy and or have low self-esteem, but to me, true happiness roots from being comfortable and content with oneself. Thus, one should learn to love the skin he or she is in. How will one ever be happy with whom he or she is, if he or she never takes a stand to figure it out? Instead of investing so much time in attempting to allow others to be responsible for choices that should be made by you, considering those choices are pertaining to you, I propose that you search deep within and figure out who you are, what it is that makes you happy, and the course of action you will pursue to obtain a life of happiness.

Once you have been enlightened, you cut the strings of those using you as a puppet, you face your opponent and say, “CHECKMATE!”

-M. Worthington III